Friday, May 7, 2010

HUMOR IN MY LIFE - Part 3 - "The Party's Over"

Yes, there's nothing like a night of pure intoxication with which to create an evening of insanity! Let me tell you about one of the most bizarre evenings that my first male partner and I have ever experienced.

It began innocently enough when we ran into a new friend at a saloon during happy hour. He invited us to go with him to a work-related party, located in a small village some twenty miles away. Having had nothing to eat – not an unusual occurrence for us - we left for the party, already nicely lubricated.

It was a very boozy affair and we all got extremely drunk. The party hostess was not a lady! She could drink like a man. She was also extremely crude and she had the audacity to come onto me. Given my history as a sex addict, who I was in any position to cast judgments around lecherous behavior? Nevertheless I didn't appreciate her attention!

What followed only provoked a resentment on her part. After not succeeding with me, she put the moves on my bewildered partner. When he, too, rebuffed her advances, she finally saw “the light” through her own alcoholic haze! That's when she ordered the three of us to leave the party.

She hurled angry, homophobic, and vile slurs at us. As intoxicated as we were, we made a hasty exit! I was at the point where I was weaving in and out of consciousness, but I took the driver's seat and we hightailed it out of there.

Driving dangerously fast on a two-lane country highway, I nearly drove off the road as I swerved to avoid an oncoming car. I barely avoided the roadside ditch, as I drunkenly struggled to maintain control of the car. By the time we had reached the city's outer limits, our bladders had also reached their limits. That's when we stopped at a mall to find restrooms. Innocent or not, “the fun” had only just begun.

The rest of the evening proceeded into even more insanity. I picked a fight with my partner, raging at him over something I can't even remember. I stormed off on foot with the intention of walking the remaining seven miles home as I drunkenly staggered down the side of the busy nighttime street.

Unfortunately for my partner, our friend hadn't returned from the bathroom. My poor, bewildered partner didn't know what to do when he'd unsuccessfully tried to find him. What he had known was that he was too drunk to drive. He did the only logical thing. He lay down in the car and took a nap.

In the meantime I'd managed to weave and wobble about three long miles on foot by the time my partner pulled the car alongside me. Unfortunately our friend had disappeared into the dark of night. I argued with my partner, but he finally convinced me to get into the car and we drove home, without further incident, where we promptly passed out in bed.

Around three o'clock in the morning, the phone awakened us from our stupor. It was the police. That's when we learned what had become of our friend. They told us they had arrested him. Sometime after midnight, he'd been caught by the police as he had been running down a city street as naked as the day he'd been born. They wanted us to come down and bail him out! That proved to have been our just dessert for not having had supper. Of course, the drinking hadn't helped! Only time would reveal more of the same before we found our way to a more serene and sane life.

Author Davis Aujourd'hui
"The Misadventures of Sister Mary Olga Fortitude" (1st in a series of books to come)

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