What Every Caregiver Must Know - By Author Davis Aujourd hui

Life is a continual process of change. As you grow into your middle years, there comes a time when there may be a role reversal with your parents. As a young child, they were your caregiver. Now, it may become the time when you will be theirs.

As a retired social worker, I have witnessed this countless times. I am also at an age when my own parents have become elderly. This may well be a challenge for me in my future. If this time has arrived for you, you are already dealing with the challenge.

You should consider the least restrictive form of help. You will want to keep them as independent as possible. Ideally, this would mean to keep them in their own home for as long as you are able to keep them safe.

Supportive services can be brought into their home if that is affordable. There are a number of resources available in every community: social service agencies, home health aides, independent cleaning people, visiting nurses, etc. If you are unable to help with things like medical transportation and shopping, there may be private alternatives for this as well.

There are some simple things that you can do. These would include things like pre-pouring their medications and assisting them with their finances. Try to always help them make their own decisions if they are able to do so. No one appreciates interference.

The time may come when they will need more support. Assisted living programs are an excellent way for them to maintain a degree of independence. This may not be financially feasible for many. Now, the decision is whether or not you are able to care for them in your own home.

This is a big decision. Consider it carefully and do not allow guilt to cause you to do something with which you are uncomfortable. Remember, it is of the utmost importance that you take care of yourself too. It will become a dramatic change to your lifestyle. It will involve sacrifices that will hopefully come from a loving place rather than a sense of obligation.

If that time has already come for you, you will appreciate what I have been saying. Allow your parents to do what they can for themselves. Nobody wants to be treated like a child. All adults are worthy of respect. Most importantly, you will want to offer love.

In order to do this, it is imperative that you be willing to reach out for help. You do not want to bear the entire burden. Again, you can consider bringing in services

Here are some tips you may find helpful:

• Ask a friend or neighbor to come to visit so that you are able to do things for yourself. You will be of no good to your parents if you are making sacrifices that interfere with your ability to take care of yourself.

• Take time out so that you can pursue your own interests. Otherwise, you may become consumed with resentment. Do not allow this to happen. Just remember that you are only human. Just as your parents have needs, so do you. There may come a day when you will realize that you can no longer bear the burden of providing care. That is not your fault. It is a reality that many of you will come to face as your parents’ needs become all-consuming. This will become the time that you will need to consider nursing home placement. Do not allow guilt to consume you. Difficult as it may be, talk it over with your parents. Let them know that you love them, but that they need more help than you are able to provide.

• If you have to place your parents, take time so that you can find a nursing home that is the best fit. Do your research carefully. All nursing homes are rated. Some of them are not fit for any human being. Interview and tour the homes. Talk with residents to see how they like the homes.

• Do not put yourself into a place where you must rush to make a decision. The best-rated homes will take the longest amount of time whereby a placement can be achieved. Don’t wait until you are desperate. Be realistic and plan ahead.

• Once a placement has been achieved, be sure to make frequent visits. This will serve two primary purposes. Naturally, your parents will need and appreciate your love and support. It will also let the staff at the home know that you are involved. Some nursing homes can be neglectful of residents’ needs if family is not a presence.

• No matter what your situation is, affirm for yourself that you have done the best you have been able to do. Have no regrets. This will only lead to guilt. Just remember to love yourself as well as your parents.

About the author:

Davis Aujourd’hui is the creator of the highly-rated and hilarious Sister Mary Olga Fortitude – a series of nine books centered on religious and social satire. He is a retired social worker, having worked for Adult Protective Services in New York. He said it enabled him to become a student of the human condition. While doing so, he developed the characters in his books in order to entertain a colleague of his using the gift of humor. He says being socially-minded and spiritual are is the most important ingredients for him to maintain a happy and successful life. He lives in Upstate New York.


Blogs:
The Funniest satire Series of the Deacde
Author Davis Aujourd'hui

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Books:
The Misadventures of Sister Mary Olga Fortitude

Babes in Bucksnort

SELF-ACCEPTANCE FOR GAY PEOPLE

Times are changing and it is easier than ever to find self-acceptance as a gay person in this country. That is certainly NOT the case everywhere. It's just that we've made many strides since the early days of gay liberation. It's time to celebrate and stop complaining.

Unfortunately for many, it is still an uphill climb. The road to self-acceptance requires a lot of personal effort. This all begins with self-affirmations. Saying to yourself something like the following will be very helpful: I am a beloved child of God. I am worthy of love. I am who I am meant to be. Being gay is good!

I would encourage any gay person who is struggling with their sexuality to work with affirmations on a daily basis. It is the only way to come to a place where you can love and accept yourself. It is also of utmost importance to surround yourself with people who affirm you just as you are.

Sometimes this will mean having to make hard choices. If your family or friends do not accept you, you may need to distance yourself from them. Network and find safe people and safe places who affirm you. Create a new family. Make new friends. Never take on anyone's judgment of you. You are inherently good and were made gay for a reason.

This is one of the reasons I have created my series of books who are filled with gay characters. Some of them also have problems accepting their sexuality, but I place them in situations where they are forced to learn and grow.

My latest book, "Babes in Bucksnort", is especially written to speak to those who do not accept themselves. I have placed characters who would persecute gay people in order to wake you up to the fact that life is not easy, but you can overcome those judgments if you stand strong in your own identity.

Take my nasty town busybody, Priscilla Bunhead, as an example. She recruits the arch conservative Reverend Billy-Bob Blunthead and his Born Again or Burn Forever Disciples for Jesus to do her dirty work. The beautiful thing is that it ends up backfiring on her. The gay people of Bucksnort come out of their closets and band together as they fight for their right to personal dignity.

It also brings support from those who might have been standing on the sidelines before. The straight people of Bucksnort who recognize villains when they see them come out to support their gay brothers and sisters. While they may be different from themselves, they realize that it's only a matter of sexuality that separates them. Deep down inside we all possess the same spirit. We are all human beings.

Life may not be as funny as it is in Babes in Bucksnort, but that doesn't mean that you can't create your own joy. That's what life is meant to be about. The task for you is to accept life on life's terms and to make the most of it. You are the only one who can do it. Go for your bliss!

So, you want to Write a Book

Each of you has a book in yourself. After all, you all have your life stories. That is a starting point; at least it was for me. I wrote my memoirs about recovery from multiple addictions and mental illness. It helped me to heal and to learn how to put my thoughts down on paper. You can do that too.

Each of you is creative energy. You may not realize it. Just let yourself sit with that thought for awhile. Then try putting a pen to paper when the inspiration comes. You will be amazed at what can come out for you. It is your creative energy expressing itself.

Maybe you will express yourself through writing a poem. Perhaps it will be an anecdote from your life. Perhaps you will find the creative impulse to write a short story. Okay, that's a beginning. Try to keep going. You do have a book in you.

Use your imagination. Let it flow as you put your pen to paper or run your fingers over your keyboard. Believe in yourself and you will create. If it's meant to be, it will be. Whatever you can dream, you can also realize. Don't allow any negative thoughts or excuses stand in your way. Affirm to yourself, I am writing a book.

Practice every day or so. You don't have to write much. Just keep at it and you will find yourself moving in a forward direction. Before you know it, you will be on your way to writing that book.

Okay, now the book is written. The question is, how can you publish it? That's easy these days. While the traditional publishing industry is very hard to break into, there are many self-publishers. Just google that and you will come up with many. Check them out. Many of them will charge you very little to publish your book. You may not have a best-seller, but you can publish your book if you truly want to do it.

That's what I did. While I didn't publish my memoirs, I have written several books about a wayward nun named Sister Mary Olga Fortitude. She loves her bourbon and her Marlboros. That always gets her into trouble with her Reverend Mother who is a reformed prostitute. The zany characters don't stop there. I just let my imagination continue to create my zany characters and hilarious situations.

Once my first book, The Misadventures of Sister Mary Olga Fortitude, was published, I just kept on going. My next book, Babes in Bucksnort, was soon out. I'd never had more fun in my life and I was off on an adventure! That's when my challenges began. After all, I was embarking on a new career and I wanted to make a success of it. Now, it was time to promote my book and I realized I needed help.

I hired a wonderful publicist by the name of Mindy Schwartz of Full Circle Administrative Services. She created a marvelous blog for me and I began to write articles such as this one. She began to post them all over the internet.

Then I began to get radio interviews. It was an exciting time to revel in my experience as I shared it with my listening audience. After all, it's no good unless you give it away. While I wanted to make a success of my book, I also want to inspire my listeners to be all that they could be too.

If you have ever dreamed of becoming an author, I encourage you to take these simple steps. You can do it. Dream a little while. Then take some action. Dreams do come true.

Author Davis Aujourd'hui
Davis' s Sister Mary Olga Book Series is available in both Paperback and Kindle Format.

"The Misadventures of Sister Mary Olga Fortitude" (Kindle Format $3.99)

Purchase Here

"Babes in Bucksnort" (Kindle Format $3.99) Purchase Here
Babes In Bucksnort