GIVE FORGIVENESS AS YOUR GIFT TO DAD ON FATHER'S DAY

Did you have a difficult upbringing? Perhaps your father was an alcoholic. Perhaps he wasn't supportive of you in some way. Perhaps he was overcritical. Perhaps he was an absent parent.

With the approach of Father's Day, this may be a difficult time of year for you to reconcile your feelings toward Dad. Give yourself and him a gift. Give him the gift of forgiveness.

So, you say you aren't ready? If that's the case, you're probably right. Your challenge now is to do the work that will bring you to a place of freedom. Otherwise, the past will hold you in bondage.

Did you feel rejected because you didn't like sports, weren't as favorite as your siblings, or because you were gay? Chances are, your father experienced these things too in his past. Everyone continues to act out their past on some level until they have healed themselves.

Maybe you were one of the lucky ones. Maybe Dad joined Alcoholics Anonymous and got sober. Maybe he came to value you as his gay child. Perhaps he joined Parents and Friends of Lesbians and Gays. If this has been the case, you are truly blessed. Just remember to count those blessings and to let go of the past.

If you weren't so lucky, you will have to dig deep. Facing pain is never easy. Denial or blame is an easy defense. The problem is that you will never grow if you don't face your pain. You may also be denying yourself a chance to salvage a relationship with the man who gave you life.

Here are my suggestions to you:

 If you dad was or is an alcoholic, join Al-Anon. This is a program for family members of alcoholics. It will help you find a way to stop blaming and to open yourself to unconditional love.

 If you were traumatized by your father, seek therapy. Abuse or neglect can take place in so many forms. Forgiveness can be offered too quickly if you aren't ready to do so. You must first do the healing for yourself.

 If you were rejected or criticized by your dad, try a loving confrontation. Don't blame or accuse. Simply tell him how you felt. You never know when you can melt another's heart. Take the chance to open his and it will open yours too.

 If your father still doesn't approve of you - perhaps because you are gay; perhaps because you have an active addiction; perhaps because you are in a relationship with whom he disagrees - once again, approach him at a feeling level. Don't feel the need to explain yourself. Just let love lead the way. Don't be afraid to do this if you're a man. It takes courage. You possess it whether you realize it or not.

When you think you may be ready, you probably are. Now is the time to give the gift. Let your father know that you love him. Just as importantly, let him know you forgive him. Those will be the greatest gifts you could ever give.

Author Davis Aujourd'hui

PRACTICING THE GOLDEN RULE

Love one another as you would love yourself. Wouldn't it be a perfect world if you could do it! The good news is that, with practice, you can. It is simply a matter of following what your heart tells you to do.


So, you've had challenges in your pasts. The question is, what can you do to undo the damage of what has come before? It's very simple. Just seek out the person who you may have wronged and apologize. If that person can't accept your apology, don't react. Just accept that the person is not in the place to forgive yet. Don't let your ego get in the way. Let it go.

This has been a life-long lesson for me and I still have a way to go, but I'm getting better with each passing day. What I've had to do is to remember that I'm only human. Then I've had to forgive myself for my errors of omission or commission. I encourage you to do this too.

Self-forgiveness is the first step toward freeing yourself from the trap of judgment. Without practicing it, you will only continue to beat up yourself. You can be your own worst enemy. Choose a better way. Freedom can be yours.

Look on the light side of life and realize that you are only human too. Nobody is perfect except within their souls. That's the place from which you want to draw in order to practice unconditional love. That means to accept the other person no matter who they are or what they do.

If someone slights you in some way, turn the other cheek. Don't let your ego react. Recognize that the other person is only human too. Remember all the loving qualities that person possesses. The pathway to unconditional love is not easy, but it's, oh so, rewarding. At all times, remember The Golden Rule.

Another important key to being in the right place to practice this important rule is to remain aware. Don't let your troubles stand in the way. Take time out to let them go. Spend some time meditating, go for a walk, or do anything that distracts you. Stay in the present moment. Then remember that life is good and that it's supposed to be about joy.

The most important thing is to not let anything take you away from your joy. If you can do that, nothing will ruffle your feathers. You may even see the humor in difficult situations. Just remember not to laugh inappropriately. That might just spell out trouble. Keep the joke to yourself unless you are sure it will entertain another.

Perhaps the most important lesson that Jesus taught was The Golden Rule. If only everyone practiced it, we wouldn't need The Ten Commandments. Lead the way by the power of your example. It will inspire others to follow suit.

Just continue to remain aware. Continue to affirm that you can do it. Then put it into practice. The rewards will be amazing. You will remain on the path of freedom and lead others to follow you. You can do it. Now is the time to begin!


Author Davis Aujourd'hui