REACHING FOR RECOVERY (PUTTING DOWN THE DRINK) Part 9

I did go to a rehab since I realized that my sexual addiction could have placed my sobriety from alcohol in jeopardy. I chose an alcohol rehab that indicated they also dealt with sexual addiction. I would become disappointed that I didn't receive the kind of help I had hoped to receive.

What I did obtain was another thirty days of sobriety from alcohol and my first same period of sobriety from sex. I left rehab feeling depressed, but I now had nearly three months of abstinence from alcohol. I've never had a problem with alcohol since. The way I achieved that grace was by not drinking one day at a time.

AA opened the door to a joyous new way of life for me. Through the program, I developed a network of supportive new friends. I began to learn that I could be even happier without picking up a drink. I focused on sticking with positive influences. It all boiled down to people, places and things. Dealing with my sexual addiction would become the new and continuing challenge. Even so, I was on the road to a new life without bondage to the alcohol addiction that could have easily killed me.

Not drinking was just the first part of my recovery. The larger challenge was, and continues to be, living life on life's terms. It has required an attitude adjustment of maintaining a positive attitude and counting my blessings.

The part of my journey into recovery from sexual addiction began nine months after I stopped drinking. What I've had to do since my recovery journey began has been to deal with my feelings. I've also had to learn how to take care of myself spiritually, mentally, and physically. It's a balancing act and it's not easy.

The twelve step program has given me an outline for living a sober and spiritual life. It has involved letting go of the past, taking a good hard look at what I have needed to work on, making amends to those I have harmed, and developing a spiritual relationship with God. All of this has required work and surrendering my ego in order to allow God to help me with my life challenges. That's a daily act of surrender. I do it with joy. Spirituality is the most important ingredient for me to maintain a happy life.

I don't do it perfectly. As with any twelve-step program, AA provides a framework for making progress rather than perfection. What I have been able to achieve is a life filled with a sense of purpose. I have reclaimed many of my previous interests that I'd let slip away when I had been in the grips of addiction.

Some of these things have been playing the piano, singing, and spending more time with sober friends and family. I've also developed wonderful new interests which have included my writing. None of this would have been possible while I had been in bondage to addiction. It's an example of how God has done for me what I could not have done for myself.

I love my life today! That's not to say that life is easy. It's just that I now have the tools I had been missing in order to deal with life's challenges. I have no regrets about the past. I can see where everything that's happened in my life has served a greater purpose.

Even those things that had seemed terrible had actually been clouds with silver linings which contained hidden blessings. They have brought me to my today and today I am a transforming person who sees life with new eyes. I have self-esteem and, for the most part, I have a positive attitude. All of that comes from the grace I have received. For that, I am grateful!

Author Davis Aujourd'hui

REACHING FOR RECOVERY - (PUTTING DOWN THE DRINK) Part 3

Coming out as a gay man was a mixed blessing as far as my drinking went. Once I became a bit more comfortable with my sexuality, I began to go out to gay bars. That fueled both my alcohol abuse and my sexual addiction. In the beginning, I would limit myself to three beers. That would certainly change over time!

I drove drunk for the first time when I was nineteen. That behavior persisted for the next fourteen years. I always thought that I could handle it. Fortunately I never experienced any serious repercussions for myself or any others; however, I came close to having a bad accident on two occasions and I was once stopped by the police.

I failed the sobriety tests, but I was released from jail after a low breathalizer test score. I'd only had a few beers. The truth of the matter was that I was high as a kite! There were no tests for marijuana use in those days.

Even though I had become familiar with the experience of passing out, I didn't realize that I had black outs until after the eve of my wedding. My best man was mixing potent gin and tonics which was my drink of choice at that time. I wasn't about to complain. They were absolutely delicious!

The last thing I remembered was that I had been swinging from the shower rod in the hotel bathroom on the ninght of my bachelor party. I fell into a tub filled with ice water and beer. When I got back from my honeymoon, I found out what had happened after my last memory. I had come out to my sister, one of my ushers (a college roommate), and a childhood girlfriend. Talk about comedy and insanity! The underlying truth is that it was a very sad situation. Even so, it helps to be able to laugh about these things. All of this will be part of my coming out story, to be told in a future article.

I didn't always drink every day, though I would almost always have a beer. By the time, I was twenty-five, it would invariably be three or more beers per day. After injuring my back, I began to take prescription painkillers. When I told the doctor that they worked best when I drank them with a six pack of beer, he suggested I try to stop drinking for six weeks. Apparently that was his idea of a test as to whether or not I had an alcohol problem.

It didn't turn out to be a problem. I stopped for those six weeks. Of course, it helped that he doubled the dosage of the painkillers so that I wouldn't fee the need to drink as well. This would become the start of yet another addiction.

Alcoholism and sexual addiction went hand in hand during the years I spent more and more time in the bars. Happy hour had become a regular routine. It had also become regular for me to pick up someone with whom to have a sexual tryst at the same time. Happy hours became longer and longer as the years progressed. In the meantime, weekends were also often given over to nights out at the bars.

Fortunately I did have some sober friends so I had other social outlets as well. On those occasions I would moderate my drinking. Of course, that may have served to fuel my denial that I didn't have a problem. It would take many years of alcohol abuse before I was able to overcome that denial. I would become one of the lucky ones. I would achieve sobriety at a young age – thirty-three. That would be the beginning of my journey into recovery from addiction. There would be much craziness to come before I reached that part of my life's journey.

Author Davis Aujourd'hui