Friday, April 9, 2010


Woe to many of the characters in Bucksnort who are trying to teach you and me continuing lessons about letting go of the ego. Even Sister Mary Olga has her challenges. It often seems that those challenges are what lead her to kiss her bourbon-filled crucifix. God knows, that I used to view challenges as struggles. That's when I would become stressed and I would turn to my addictions or other inappropriate behaviors to act out the underlying uncomfortable feelings that I didn't want to experience.

Speaking of addictions, let me tell you about one of the characters with whom I most closely relate. That would be Randy Cowboy. He's the physical ideal of who my formerly insecure self wanted to be. Once I let go of my insecurities, I actually realized a semblance of that ideal as I came to a place of acceptance. As is Randy, I am gay. He embraces his sexuality with a fervor. It took me a long time to become comfortable with my sexuality. Yet I don't let it define me. It's just another, albeit important, part of who I am.

I, too, share Randy's challenge of sexual mania. My primary addiction has been to sex. You could also say that it's been a toxic bond to my shame. I will write another article in which I will go into depth about it. For now I will simply say that it's been the most painful and challenging addiction from which I have sought recovery. I'm still challenged by it, but I've learned how to be more gentle with myself when I have temporarily lost my way. I don't give up as I once did many years ago.

As for my other characters, I have shared the challenge of prejudice and oppression that Jules Jesslike Pappas has faced. I have been irascible like the ornery Martha Mayhem. I've been a bit of a tyrant who has liked to think that I can control others such as Priscilla Bunhead continues to practice with the insecure females of Bucksnort. I can relate to them as well. I've tried to mold myself into a figurative bunhead in my past. For so many years, I denied my true sexuality while I tried to pretend that I was something I was not. It was all about pleasing others and wanting to be what they expected of me.

I may not seem to be much like the luscious Lucy Lovely or the forthright Sister Samantha. Even so, they represent individuals from whom I've learned by affirming and mirroring the positive aspects of themselves. You may find it hard to believe, but there's a little bit of the manipulative and demanding Lula Mae Bunsaplenty within me. Yet I've managed to let go of so many of those behaviors over the years. Thank God, I can look at them now and laugh! That's a key to freeing oneself to bondage to the past and it's also a mark of self-forgiveness.

One by one, I have possessed the dark and light sides of each of my characters to greater and lesser degrees. That just seems to be part of the cycle of balance within life. Fortunately I've managed to let go of many of my character defects as I have practiced a more spiritual life. Without having done so, I would be in no position to channel Sister Mary Olga's Advanced Holiness lessons.

Of course, it's not just the lesson that's important. What matters is to practice what one learns or what one preaches. That's what leads to a sense of wholeness or what Sister Mary Olga would call holiness. It comes from leading a life based upon love and forgiveness. Hopefully we'll all wake up to that reality one day and lead congruent lives based upon those spiritual principles. If we do so, we will realize peace on earth and good will toward our fellow men and women. Now wouldn't that be a wonderful miracle!

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