THROUGH THE OPEN DOOR - PART 8

Even though I had considered myself to be out of the closet for a couple of decades, I was still locked in a closet of shame. I burst out of that closet once I rejoined SAA (Sex Addicts Anonymous). What a feeling of exhilaration I experienced when I could once again walk down the streets of my hometown with my head held up high during a Gay Pride event with my parents.


By that time I was no longer with my partner. We had spent twenty-four wonderful years together, but life tossed me some lemons and I reacted by leaving him. It had also become a case of thinking the grass would be greener on the other side of the fence.


Truth be told, there is no one person who can meet all of our needs. I have since begun to build a life with another younger man from whom I am learning new lessons about becoming more comfortable with who I am. He is someone with whom I can kiss in public and walk down the street of my conservative hometown holding hands.


I am blessed that my former partner and I have remained the best of friends. My new partner has been very accepting of the importance I place upon maintaining a relationship with my first male lover. He had also been a vitally important person with whom I walked into the light of greater self acceptance. Coming out is not a single act. It is a continuing process.


My new partner and I belong to a church which embraces the sacred truths of all religions. It is also a church in which many gay and lesbian people as well as many recovering people attend. This speaks to my latest part of my self-acceptance. I have embraced a loving God who I believe truly loves me. I have come full circle after years of feeling judged by some Christians. Instead I believe in the benevolent and loving Father that Jesus portrayed as recorded in the gospels. As long as I remember this love and practice it within my life, I am free.

Books and Kindles by Author David Aujourd hui (these two below are at a special price on Kindle for $2.99)

"The Misadventures of Sister Mary Olga Fortitude" Book 1
"Babes in Bucksnort" Book 2

"Putting the Pieces Together" Kindle Version only for .99 cents!

Putting the Pieces Together is an anthology of a gay man's journey toward self-acceptance. It is a poignant and intimate book chronicling recovery from mental illness, sexual addiction, and alcohol.

REACHING FOR RECOVERY - (PUTTING DOWN THE DRINK) Part 8

What happened in the course of the next few weeks was a pure demonstration of God working in my life through this new friendship. My friend gave me so much of the support I badly needed. I, in turn, became a significant person in helping him with his own coming-out process after he had spent so many years in the closet.

Meanwhile I began to have some conflicts on my job as a social worker. I was becoming more assertive and that rocked the boat. I was also confused and hurt that many of my formerly friendly colleagues seemed to be keeping a cool distance from me. When I approached my supervisor to tell her I was in recovery from alcohol and thought I might need to go to a rehab, all hell broke lose.

She went into a rage and she yelled at me, “I'm sick and tired of hearing about your personal problems!” She showed me no sympathy and seemingly turned me into her personal scapegoat for the next month. I'm not really sure what I might have done to provoke the situation, but what ensued played out my history of allowing myself to be a victim.

What I did next undoubtedly exacerbated the situation. I went three levels above her head, appealing to our kind deputy commissioner. She acted as mediator between my supervisor and myself, serving as surrogate supervisor to me during that period of early recovery.

Granted, my own supervisor undoubtedly had cause to take issue with my work at the time. I'd gotten way behind in my paperwork - those endless client assessments, times forty. I also imagine that my second requested leave of absence within my first fifteen months on the job didn't make her life any easier. (I'd had to take an earlier medical leave following a suicide attempt.)

There was another bizarre work-related twist that happened during my first week of recovery. One morning, as I was approaching my workplace, I encountered one of my schizophrenic clients. This was a woman who, in my experience, had always been totally out of touch with reality. She never called me by name and she rarely even said anything at all.

That day she caught me off-guard. In spite of her disheveled appearance, she approached me on the street as if I were an old friend. She appeared to be mentally clear as a bell when she actually spoke to me! She called me by name when she said, “Mister, you seem to be getting better!”

Wow! I felt as if I had entered an episode of the twilight zone. While my supposedly sane supervisor would literally yell at me when I was in the office, surrounded by my colleagues, this supposedly insane client behaved appropriately and could discern I was on the road to wellness.

Author Davis Aujourd'hui