Speaking of looking up, that brings me to the subject of Sister Samantha's secret. Lord, have mercy! Well now! I was extremely thirsty following my most recent week of penance on my knees in my humble little cell; so, I'd made a hasty visit to Randy Cowboy who was generous enough to give me a half gallon of Jack Daniel's.
I threw caution to the wind and I ducked into cubicle number four where I began to have a few nips. Oh, I must confess the truth. I tied one on! By the time I'd passed out, I'd managed to refresh myself with almost half of that big bottle. Oh my!
Sometime during the night, I must have slipped off the toilet and landed on the floor. I didn't wake up until the following morning; and, I must say, I had quite a headache! I also realized that I had partially slid under cubicle number three; and, I couldn't get up.
Well, wouldn't you know it, the restroom door burst open and I immediately thought that the gig was up. With my luck, I thought that it might be Mother Carmen and that I'd be sent back to my cell for another week of solitary confinement.
Fortunately, God spared me that ordeal and He had sent me an angel. It was Sister Samantha. Of course, I didn't find that out immediately. Let's just say that we both had a big surprise in store!
Well! There I was, with my head under cubicle number three, when I heard Sister Samantha singing Amazing Grace as she entered that very cubicle! Apparently, she was so moved by the Holy Spirit that she didn't even notice my head facing up toward her toilet.
I closed my eyes in reverent prayer just as she was lowering her panties. As she was preparing to sit upon her throne, her habit swished over my face which brought me to attention. I opened my eyes by reflex. Boy, did I get an eyeful and I do mean boy! Sister Samantha wasn't a woman! Lord, have mercy!
Well! It was a rather awkward situation to say the least! I had learned of Sister Samantha's incredible secret. I also needed her help. What could I do, but gently murmur, “Please help me, Sister. I've fallen and I can't get up.”
Let me tell you, Sister Samantha might not have been a woman, but she let out a high-pitched scream that sounded like a woman giving birth. She jumped off her pot and she whooshed her habit off my pleading face. If anyone else could have seen us at that very moment, I'm sure that both of our faces would have appeared beet red.
Well! If either of us had had a blackmailing bone in our bodies, we both would have had sufficient ammunition to use against the other. Suffice it to say, each of us took a higher path except Sister Samantha had the higher advantage at that moment.
Well, that little woman proved to be very strong. She grabbed me under my arms. Then she pulled me right under the partition of cubicle number three and out onto the restroom floor.
Even though I was feeling very shaky, in more ways than one, I managed to get myself up and onto my wobbly legs. Well, what could I say besides, “Thank you;” however, given the situation, it seemed that something else might be in order.
I felt rather like Little Red Riding Hood when she discovered that her grandmama was actually a wolf. The nice thing about my situation was that Sister Samantha wasn't about to eat me up. I decided right then and there that I wasn't going to give her up.
“Sister,” I said. “How did you ever pull it off?”
That's when she told me her story. You see, Sister Samantha just happened to have been born in the wrong body. She was really every bit as much of a woman as myself with one notable exception. God sure works in mysterious ways!
Sister Samantha was the most beautiful child. She was christened “Bobby O'Reilly” and she was her mother's only son. As it had turned out, he was her only daughter too.
Mother and child lived with Bobby's grandmother on the family farm. He was conceived on Christmas Eve and he was born on the harvest moon of the following year. It was a fruitful harvest, in more ways than one! He was his mother's pride and joy as well as being the favorite grandchild of his elderly grandmother. Little Samantha or, should I say, little Bobby was a perfect angel.
On his first day of school, his mother dressed him up in knickers and she sent him off to the Baptist academy in his hometown which was located in a little parish similar to our own. When he returned from school, both his mother and grandmother were in for a big surprise.
Little Bobby had discovered the academy's Good Will clothes closet and he had decided to change his outfit. When he returned to his grandmother's farm, he was wearing a dress, high heels, and he had braided his long locks into a perfect French braid.
Grandma O'Reilly chastened her daughter by exclaiming, “Whatever possessed you to send Bobby to school like that?”
Bobby's dumbfounded mother simply stared at her son and said, “I didn't!”
That was just the beginning. By the time Bobby was in high school, he had run off to the big city and he had started living as a woman. He had the most gorgeous natural female breasts and he began to receive hormone shots that made him the envy of the big city drag queens.
He named himself Samantha Monet and he decided to seek fame and fortune as a female impersonator. With his new female voice, he could hit a high C and he was soon performing in the big city clubs and making big money.
One of his favorite routines involved him dressing as a nun. It only seemed fitting since he had converted to Catholicism and he had decided that, once he'd had a taste of the world, he was going to become a nun. Sister Samantha was a smashing success as she wooed the crowds with her renditions of religious songs that soon won converts to her beloved Savior.
Sister Samantha was planning on having a sex change, but a part of her believed she was born in a man's body to teach the world a lesson in tolerance of those who are different from others. Well! Sister Samantha had already taught me a lesson!
Author Davis Aujourd'hui
"The Misadventures of Sister Mary Olga Fortitude" is available in Paperback for $13.95 HERE!!!!
Kindle Version is $3.99 and can be purchased HERE!!!
Showing posts with label Full of Laughter. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Full of Laughter. Show all posts
Thursday, November 3, 2011
Thursday, March 17, 2011
Discover Your Personal Foibles While You Laugh Yourself Away
Guest Post by Davis Aujourd'huiSurely you've heard it said that laughter is the best medicine. Yet, sometimes, taking a look at yourself isn't so funny. You may discover some characteristics that seem less than laughable. That doesn't have to be the case.
I am an author of a series of books designed to help their readers not take life so seriously. I have done this by creating memorably and delightfully dysfunctional characters to whom we can all relate. Just as is the case with all of us, we each have our light and our dark sides. The challenge is to come to a place of acceptance by embracing all that we are. As we do so, we can nurture those characteristics that we wish to possess and to let go of those which no longer serve us.
My characters face the same challenges that many of us face in this modern world. I have heard it said that to be human is to be addicted. We tend to attach ourselves to things in this life that will make us feel better about ourselves. Unfortunately, the only true happiness there is comes from within.
When you fill yourself from the outside with things like relationships, alcohol, overeating, gambling, compulsive buying, and sex to name just a few, you only numb yourself to this greater truth. You also beat yourself up in the process. The good news is that you don't have to do that to yourself. There is a better way.
The important thing is to be gentle with yourself. You can do this by learning to laugh at your personal foibles as you come to a place of acceptance. By using the spiritual approach of unconditional love, you will be on the pathway to a happier and healthier life.
It isn't easy! Getting honest with yourself is a challenge and you cannot do it alone. That's why it is important to surround yourself with others who can help guide you on your journey in a loving manner.
I have created a series of satires with a spiritual message. That primary message is to practice love. My main character maintains that, if only we followed the Golden Rule – do unto others as you would have them do unto you – you wouldn't need the Ten Commandments.
One of the pitfalls of being human is that we all judge. This is how we come to new understandings as we follow our lifetime pathways to greater illumination. What we need to do is to keep an open mind so that we can be receptive to the wisdom that comes from experience. When we focus on our defects or the defects of others, we are not being loving.
Just be careful with your judgments. This is where the task of self-examination comes into play. Anytime you find something disagreeable within another or in any situation, it's time to take a look at what that's all about. Oftentimes, you will come to discover that you possess those very characteristics that you are judging.
Go ahead and have a good laugh. Then take time to consider how you can practice awareness in your life. Whenever you want to react to something or someone, it's time to take a look in the mirror to see what you can do to change yourself. That takes work. The good news is that you've got an entire lifetime to do that.
Davis Aujourd'hui is the creator of the Sister Mary Olga Fortitude series of religious and social satires. His most recent book is entitled Babes in Bucksnort. As will be the case with Sister Mary Olga in his next book, he is a recovering alcoholic. He also happens to be gay as are several of the endearing and humorous characters within his novels. He speaks from his own experience. He has possessed all of the foibles of his cast of characters, including those naughty, nasty, and nice. He is socially-minded and spirituality is the most important ingredient for him to maintain a happy and successful life.
Thank you,
Davis Aujourd'hui
Blog: The Funniest Satire Series
Blog: Author Davis Aujourd'hui
"The Misadventure of Sister Mary Olga Fortitude" Kindle Format $3.99
"Babes in Bucksnort" Kindle Format $3.99
Both of the Novels are also available in Paperback Format.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
