AN EXCERPT FROM "The MISADVENTURES of Sister Mary Olga Fortitude"

Speaking of looking up, that brings me to the subject of Sister Samantha's secret. Lord, have mercy! Well now! I was extremely thirsty following my most recent week of penance on my knees in my humble little cell; so, I'd made a hasty visit to Randy Cowboy who was generous enough to give me a half gallon of Jack Daniel's.

I threw caution to the wind and I ducked into cubicle number four where I began to have a few nips. Oh, I must confess the truth. I tied one on! By the time I'd passed out, I'd managed to refresh myself with almost half of that big bottle. Oh my!

Sometime during the night, I must have slipped off the toilet and landed on the floor. I didn't wake up until the following morning; and, I must say, I had quite a headache! I also realized that I had partially slid under cubicle number three; and, I couldn't get up.

Well, wouldn't you know it, the restroom door burst open and I immediately thought that the gig was up. With my luck, I thought that it might be Mother Carmen and that I'd be sent back to my cell for another week of solitary confinement.

Fortunately, God spared me that ordeal and He had sent me an angel. It was Sister Samantha. Of course, I didn't find that out immediately. Let's just say that we both had a big surprise in store!

Well! There I was, with my head under cubicle number three, when I heard Sister Samantha singing Amazing Grace as she entered that very cubicle! Apparently, she was so moved by the Holy Spirit that she didn't even notice my head facing up toward her toilet.

I closed my eyes in reverent prayer just as she was lowering her panties. As she was preparing to sit upon her throne, her habit swished over my face which brought me to attention. I opened my eyes by reflex. Boy, did I get an eyeful and I do mean boy! Sister Samantha wasn't a woman! Lord, have mercy!

Well! It was a rather awkward situation to say the least! I had learned of Sister Samantha's incredible secret. I also needed her help. What could I do, but gently murmur, “Please help me, Sister. I've fallen and I can't get up.”

Let me tell you, Sister Samantha might not have been a woman, but she let out a high-pitched scream that sounded like a woman giving birth. She jumped off her pot and she whooshed her habit off my pleading face. If anyone else could have seen us at that very moment, I'm sure that both of our faces would have appeared beet red.

Well! If either of us had had a blackmailing bone in our bodies, we both would have had sufficient ammunition to use against the other. Suffice it to say, each of us took a higher path except Sister Samantha had the higher advantage at that moment.

Well, that little woman proved to be very strong. She grabbed me under my arms. Then she pulled me right under the partition of cubicle number three and out onto the restroom floor.

Even though I was feeling very shaky, in more ways than one, I managed to get myself up and onto my wobbly legs. Well, what could I say besides, “Thank you;” however, given the situation, it seemed that something else might be in order.

I felt rather like Little Red Riding Hood when she discovered that her grandmama was actually a wolf. The nice thing about my situation was that Sister Samantha wasn't about to eat me up. I decided right then and there that I wasn't going to give her up.

“Sister,” I said. “How did you ever pull it off?”

That's when she told me her story. You see, Sister Samantha just happened to have been born in the wrong body. She was really every bit as much of a woman as myself with one notable exception. God sure works in mysterious ways!

Sister Samantha was the most beautiful child. She was christened “Bobby O'Reilly” and she was her mother's only son. As it had turned out, he was her only daughter too.

Mother and child lived with Bobby's grandmother on the family farm. He was conceived on Christmas Eve and he was born on the harvest moon of the following year. It was a fruitful harvest, in more ways than one! He was his mother's pride and joy as well as being the favorite grandchild of his elderly grandmother. Little Samantha or, should I say, little Bobby was a perfect angel.

On his first day of school, his mother dressed him up in knickers and she sent him off to the Baptist academy in his hometown which was located in a little parish similar to our own. When he returned from school, both his mother and grandmother were in for a big surprise.

Little Bobby had discovered the academy's Good Will clothes closet and he had decided to change his outfit. When he returned to his grandmother's farm, he was wearing a dress, high heels, and he had braided his long locks into a perfect French braid.

Grandma O'Reilly chastened her daughter by exclaiming, “Whatever possessed you to send Bobby to school like that?”

Bobby's dumbfounded mother simply stared at her son and said, “I didn't!”

That was just the beginning. By the time Bobby was in high school, he had run off to the big city and he had started living as a woman. He had the most gorgeous natural female breasts and he began to receive hormone shots that made him the envy of the big city drag queens.

He named himself Samantha Monet and he decided to seek fame and fortune as a female impersonator. With his new female voice, he could hit a high C and he was soon performing in the big city clubs and making big money.

One of his favorite routines involved him dressing as a nun. It only seemed fitting since he had converted to Catholicism and he had decided that, once he'd had a taste of the world, he was going to become a nun. Sister Samantha was a smashing success as she wooed the crowds with her renditions of religious songs that soon won converts to her beloved Savior.

Sister Samantha was planning on having a sex change, but a part of her believed she was born in a man's body to teach the world a lesson in tolerance of those who are different from others. Well! Sister Samantha had already taught me a lesson!

Author Davis Aujourd'hui

"The Misadventures of Sister Mary Olga Fortitude" is available in Paperback for $13.95 HERE!!!!

Kindle Version is $3.99 and can be purchased HERE!!!

Davis Aujourd’hui – "Babes in Bucksnort"

Interview
by Cathy B Stucker


What is your most recent book? Tell us a bit about it.
I have written a series of hilarious religious satires with a spiritual message. My latest book is entitled Babes in Bucksnort. It is about a naughty nun who teaches classes in Advanced Holiness.

Once again the unconventional bourbon-swilling, chain-smoking nun will spin hilarious tales about the residents of Bucksnort while she tests the will of a reformed prostitute who just happens to be her Reverend Mother.

But there’s trouble brewing in the Snortlands.

The town busybody crusades to stamp out “the gay menace.” That’s when she brings Reverend Billy-Bob Blunthead and his Born Again or Burn Forever Disciples for Jesus to town to do the job. It will be an uphill climb when the closet doors of many gay people burst open.

In between laughs, Sister Mary Olga dispenses nuggets of wisdom during her Holiness Classes. The bottom line is that everyone is welcome in Sister Mary Olga’s classes. Join the diverse cast of zany characters for a joy ride that will tickle your funny bone until it aches.

Tell us something about yourself.

I am the creator of the Sister Mary Olga Fortitude series of religious and social satires. As will be the case with Sister Mary Olga in my next book, I am a recovering alcoholic. I also happen to be gay as are several of the endearing and humorous characters within my novels. I speak from my own experience. I have possessed all of the foibles of my cast of characters, including those naughty, nasty, and nice. I am socially-minded and spirituality is the most important ingredient in order for me to maintain a happy and successful life.

What inspired you to write this book?
I have always loved to write, but I didn’t begin to write full length novels until five years ago after I had taken an early retirement. That’s when I had an inspiration. I remembered the characters of Sister Mary Olga Fortitude and her friends which I’d developed in order to entertain a colleague of mine while I’d been working as a social worker. I thought to myself, I bet I could write a book about these crazy characters! That’s when I sat down and I wrote The Misadventures of Sister Mary Olga Fortitude in a little over a month. The thing was, I had more ideas…so I wrote another. Amazingly I still hadn’t run out of ideas! Over the course of the next four years I have written eleven novels in the series and I have no plans to stop as long as the characters continue to inspire me.

How did you choose the title?
I maintain that we are all children of God. That is where the name Babes comes from. Bucksnort is the name of my fictional town in Wisconsin.

What obstacles did you encounter in getting this book published? How did you overcome them?
While I received much positive feedback from some traditional publishers, they didn’t want to publish the book. Consequently, I chose to self-publish it. My reader reviews have been ecstatic. I hope to obtain a traditional publisher for the next book in the series which is entitled Have A Heart.

How did you know you wanted to be a writer? How did you get started?
Although I have always loved to write, I never dreamed I would have a career as an author. I retired from many years as a social worker. Then I started by writing my memoirs. Following that, I wanted to write more. That’s when I remembered the zany characters I had developed in order to entertain a colleague of mine. I realized that I could write a book about them. One book led to another and I now have a successful career.

Do you have any writing rituals?
I discipline myself by spending many hours each day. Then I spontaneously create my crazy characters and the outrageous situations in which they find themselves involved. It is all a matter of waiting for the inspiration to come. Then I am off to the races.

How do you come up with the names for your characters?
Of course, I had created many of the names when I had entertained my colleague. Otherwise, I just let my imagination lead the way. I try to make the names as funny as the scenarios of my books. Many of the names suggest characteristics that my characters possess. It is all great fun.

Did you learn anything from writing and publishing this book? What?
I learned that inspiration is the key to successful writing. When it’s not there, I simply shift gears and write articles for my blog. As for writing and publishing both, my mantra is to never give up. Dreams do come true.

If you were doing it all over again, what would you do differently?
No! I believe that everything happens for a reason and that it does no good to have any regrets.

What types of books do you like to read? Who are your favorite authors? Why?
I love to read funny books and spiritual books. I love the books of Armistead Maupin who has been an inspiration to me in developing my own series. I also appreciate the zany humor of Carl Hiassen. As for spiritual authors, my favorites include Anthony DeMello, Eric Butterworth, Deepak Chopra, and Eckhardt Tolle.

Are you working on your next book? What can you tell us about it?
The next book in my series is already written and awaiting publication. It is entitled Have A Heart.

Sister Mary Olga is always getting into trouble with her Reverend Mother, a former prostitute. Among a cast of zany characters is a gay cowboy, the town prude and busybody, Priscilla Bunhead, and her hatchet man, the Reverend Billy-Bob Blunthead and his Born Again or Burn Forever Disciples for Jesus. Billy-Bob will be put to the test by an eccentric woman named Cherie Amour who channels a spiritual entity named Ruth. His own past in a closet of shame eventually catches up with him.

Sister Mary Olga finally has to face the music when the Mother Carmen Burana sends her off to Holy Happenings Rehab. Upon her release she joins a twelve-step program called Alcoholics Unanimous while the bawdy Randy Cowboy joins a similar program called Sex Maniacs Notorious.

The book builds to a close with one surprising climax after another. Its strength lies in its original, outlandish humor. The characters, with their hilarious names, are archetypes of the universal human condition. We all have our foibles. This book is designed to make its readers laugh out loud as they look at their own.

What is the best advice you could give other writers about writing or publishing?
Keep perfecting your craft and never give up hope.

Who is the perfect reader for your book?
My books will appeal to anyone who has an open mind, a zest for their spirits, and loves to laugh. They will especially appeal to gay and lesbian readers since many of the deliciously dysfunctional characters within the book are gay. Recovering alcoholics will embrace the outrageous situations encountered by the booze-loving Sister Mary Olga and her Advanced Holiness students. “Recovering Catholics” who do not agree with everything the pope holds to be true will embrace Sister Mary Olga’s unconventional views on Christianity.

Where can readers learn more about you and your book?

They can visit my blog at http://bestsatireseriesofthedecade.blogspot.com/


They can also visit Amazon.com to look at my rave reviews and to purchase the book which is also available in kindle format.


My Facebook fan page is located at http://www.facebook.com/pages/Davis-Aujourdhui/138584429540046

Book Review: The Misadventures Of Sister Mary Olga Fortitude by - Author Davis Aujourd’hui

"The Misadventures Of Sister Mary Olga Fortitude" By Author Davis Aujourd'Hui
Posted on July 10th, 2010
by Simon Barrett in Book Reviews
ReviewsRead 227 times.


I read many books, they cover many genres, sometimes it is fun to dip into something truly irreverent. "The Misadventures Of Sister Mary Olga Fortitude" is one such book. I will share a little tid bit with you, Davis Aujourd’hui is a pen mane. I for one cannot understand the need for this

I have been told that The Vatican maintains one of the largest libraries of books in the world, I think the chances of them acquiring this particular tome is about the same as me winning the Powerball Lottery without buying a ticket. In Dan Brown’s blockbuster The Da Vinci code we get to meet the mad killer monk Silas. If there are any Silas’s around they probably have Davis Aujourd’hui on their hit list.

The main character in the book is Sister Mary Olga Fortitude, about the only vow she has not broken is that of celibacy, and who knows, even that might change. The good sister resides at the Have A Heart Convent in that well known town of  Bucksnort, Wisconsin. I am pretty certain I have visited several Bucksnort’s in my time.

Sister Mary Olga’s problems began as a baby, being born on February 29th certainly disadvantaged her as a young child. Maybe it was the lack of birthday parties and presents that made her seek out the solace of life in a convent?

Sister Mary Olga has good intentions but also enjoys a nip of Old Granddaddy now and then, well most of the day, every day.

I asked Diddles if it would be possible for him to create a custom crucifix for me. I advised him that it had to be an otherwise exact replica of the crucifixes created for the nuns. What I had in mind was a particularly hollow version of our suffering Lord. I asked him to create mine with a flip-top cross so that I could fill my crucifix with a little something to quench my ever-increasing thirst

A crucifix can only contain so much booze, Sister Mary Olga sought some help:

I spoke out loud to Jesus, “How will I get through the rest of the day with the tiny flask of spirits contained in your own cross of sorrow?

Salvation is found in keeping a bottle or two stashed in back of one of the toilets. This solution is one that I was introduced to on my first visit to a remote Albertan town in the early eighties. My traveling companion has insisted that we pick up some ‘travelers’, but when we checked into the motel I discovered that there was no in room fridge to keep them cool. “No Problem”, Jerry explained, “Every room has a cooler, you just have to know where to look”. With that said, he left my room, taking with him the garbage bin, he returned a couple of minutes later with a supply of ice, he then removed the top of the cistern, flushed the toilet, inserted the beer and ice, and gave me one of those ‘Told you so looks’. “these puppies will still be cold for breakfast”, with that he left to no doubt do the same thing in his room.

While Sister Mary Olga did not bother with the ice, cubicle four, always had a good a stash of what she wanted.
If you are going to be taking a nip or two, what is better than a cigarette to go with it? Her choice is Marlborough Reds, not just one or two but the whole package!

Through Sister Mary Olga’s eyes we get so see the happenings in Bucksnort. Drunken Fathers, homosexual activities, and the other ugly secrets of the town. The Reverend Mother is a former prostitute and the convent’s chef is a gay cowboy.

Misadventures is irreverent, but the author means no harm, it is a fun read, and should be taken that way. I chuckled my way through the entire book. It is far to easy to take offence when humour is pointed at the church, don’t do that. This is a light hearted romp.

To order your copy of The Misadventures Of Sister Mary Olga Fortitude use this Amazon Link!

The author has a new book out, and that is next in my review pile. He has also agreed to an interview, I can’t wait!

Simon Barrett

Comment Made by  Author Davis Aujourd'hui
July 12th, 2010 at 7:07 am
I am gratified by this review, along with the other excellent reviews posted on Amazon.com. This is a book with best seller potential. It is not only a hilarious read, but it has an underlying message.


Please check for the sequel, Babes in Bucksnort, also on Amazon, and feel free to visit my blog. There you can see the wonderful video trailer and read many articles about the book and can read excerpts from Babes.

www.bestsatireseriesofthedecade.blogspot.com

Humor in My Life --Part 10--Bowel Fumes

Dementia can be a sad thing, but it does contain dozens of humorous moments. Such was the case with the “bowel fumes” lady who I'll call Emma Mae.

Emma Mae had a strange delusion that her upstairs neighbors were sending what she called bowel fumes down into her apartment. Perhaps it was the industrious and flatulent little boy from my book, The Misadventures of Sister Mary Olga Fortitude. He was named Fartley Dinkledorf.

Fartley was well-named. He took a perverse pleasure in passing gas. God only knows, Emma Mae, had an extremely sensitive nose and she smelled farts wherever she went within her apartment.

Poor Emma Mae! This little old lady who would weave and wobble around in her high heels and negligee didn't have a clue. She was going to be headed to the Sunnyside of the Street Adult Home. That was a place where they knew how to deal with happy wanderers.

Emma Mae would frequently put herself at risk because she would wander from her apartment and get lost. At least, there were few bowel fumes in the fresh air of the outdoors. Just wait until the day that I came to fetch her to move to her new home. Emma Mae had another plan in mind!

When that day came, I asked Emma Mae where her suitcase was. She demurely answered, “Give me a few minutes to finish packing.” Then she left me on her deck while I patiently waited.

Minutes ticked by and I began to wonder what had happened to Emma Mae. I called out to her, but there wasn't a response. Upon investigating, it appeared that she had left the premises.

I walked out onto the deck where I caught a glimpse of her disappearing into the forest behind her building, dressed only in a nightgown. I hightailed it after her, but she had the advantage. She was on a mission to disappear into the cloak of the forest.

I vainly searched in the woods for a half an hour before I gave up. It was now time for me to take some definitive action. I called the cops.

They took me very seriously when I told them about how Emma Mae easily became lost. Not five minutes later, a helicopter was circling overhead. Poor Emma Mae! She was finally spotted down by the railroad tracks. Perhaps she thought that she was going to jump on a train.

I met the police who had caught up with my damsel in distress. It was now time for Emma Mae to head for the sunny side of the street.

I only saw Emma Mae one more time. By then, she didn't recognize me any more. She had still been up to her old tricks, trying to escape from Sunnyside every chance she got. That was all right. Sunnyside was used to these types of antics. She never got very far.

Emma Mae had finally gotten over her delusions about bowel fumes. She had also long forgotten the helicopter episode. Perhaps I had her mysterious neighbors in mind when I created the character of Fartley Dinkledorf.

That makes for hilarious reading when you tickle your fancy with Misadventures.

" I AM MY CHARACTERS", Part One- By Author Davis Aujourd'hui

I am my characters. The truth of the matter is so are you. For any of my characters to whom you relate or to whom you take a dislike, you are looking at a part of yourself. One of the most fascinating, and perhaps most exasperating, spiritual truths is that what we perceive in others is an aspect of ourselves. The odd thing is that sometimes those characteristics are something of which we have remained unaware. That's the continuing challenge for each of us with which to come to terms if we are going to grow, improve, and accept ourselves as we go along our merry or not so merry way.

This has become one of the ongoing challenges of my own life. After a lifetime of taking on labels, playing different roles, trying to please others, and trying to be like others, I have come to embrace a more authentic life. I've learned that I must be true to myself if I am going to recognize my full potential within this particularly unique life which has been given to me. In so doing, I've come to discover who I truly am and this has taken a lot of hard work.

What I've come to understand is that I can operate from two perspectives. The first perspective is from that of my ego which thinks that it knows everything, but is invariably wrong. The second is from that of my spirit which is only about love. That's where I will discover what is true.

We all serve as mirrors to each other. When we see something we like within another, we are affirming that quality within that person. It is also a quality we too possess. Unfortunately the opposite is also true. When we see something within another that we don't like, we are also looking at something that is or has been an issue within ourselves whether or not we have realized it. That means it's back to the drawing board; there's more work to do on ourselves! After all, it's an inside job.

What I'm learning to do is to focus on that which is positive within myself and others. It has helped me appreciate the goodness within people and life in general. It has also served to enhance my happiness and state of well-being. That's been a huge lesson for me after living through many years of unhappiness and depression. I am largely free of that today. For that, I'm so very grateful.

To purchase the Book Click Here