REACHING FOR RECOVERY (Putting Down the Drink) Part 7

I had studied classical piano through my teens. My piano mentor's memorial service had been scheduled at my hometown church three days after having become sober. I really wanted to attend, but I was feeling very insecure about going. I was still going through withdrawal from alcohol and I was very shaky - emotionally and physically.

That Saturday morning, I left home for a twelve-step meeting, not knowing if I had the courage to go to that service. When I turned on the ignition of my car, the radio station was broadcasting the very Mozart piano sonata I had played for my teacher on my last visit to her. That spiritual connection gave me the strength to attend; but, not before I attended yet another AA meeting in my hometown just prior to theservice.

I sat with my mother during the service. At one point in the service, I called out from the congregation to the pastor, asking if it would be possible to say a few words. I was later given that opportunity.

I approached the pulpit and I spoke of my spiritual connection to my teacher when I had heard that Mozart sonata on the radio that morning. I spoke of how it gave me the strength to attend even though I felt like I was a “basket case.” I also mentioned that I was in early recovery in a twelve-step program. That action opened the door to an important new friendship for me with the very man of whom I had been terrified as a child, thinking he was gay.

That man was my piano mentor's intimate friend. He guessed who I was when I had gotten up to speak. He'd known me since I'd been ten. The seeming coincidence was that he'd recently found out I was gay from another kindred spirit. That person was the elderly gay man who happened to be sitting with Mom and me. He hadn't heard anything about me since the time I got married and he hadn't seen me since I was a teen. Aside from both of us having studied under our mentor, we now had two other common bonds. We were both gay and he, too, was a recovering alcoholic.

After the service, he sought me out and he invited me to a reception he was holding in his home. He also introduced me to a lesbian friend of his who happened to have been one of my junior high school teachers. That night, he took us both to the symphony. Then I invited them back to my disheveled home for a gourmet dinner, serving it around two in the morning! My life was still unmanageable, but I was starting to experience some very spiritual connections. God was about to do for me what I could not do for myself.

Author Davis Aujourd'hui

REACHING FOR RECOVERY (PUTTING DOWN THE DRINK) Part 6

I let go of my drinking behaviors using AA meetings as a substitute, going to as many as four meetings on some days. I was a quick study and had no problem embracing the first three steps when I made that daily decision to turn my will over to my Higher Power. God was indeed good to me, relieving me of the compulsion to drink within the first week.

The only problem was, I turned to my primary form of medication – sex - with a vengeance. After leaving my last AA meeting of the day at 11 PM, I was off on the cruising circuit. I would drive to those parks or pornographic bookstores where I would lose both myself and lose sleep as I acted out my pain through sexual oblivion, usually with multiple partners. Still, that did not fill up the empty hole of need that only God could fill.

Even so, I followed the suggestions that were offered by the program as if my life depended upon it. I truly believed that I would not have lived out the year had I continued my final binge with alcohol. Normally, same-sex sponsors are recommended; however, I heard a wise person say, “when picking a sponsor, one should consider that there are actually six sexes.” As a gay man, this made sense to me. Consequently, I eventually picked an older lesbian whose long-term sobriety I admired to be my sponsor.

In the meantime, I had asked another gay man to serve as temporary sponsor. I felt safe with him. His gentle manner reminded me so much of my conception of Jesus. As it turned out, I used them both as sponsors, calling on them along with others in the program every day. This became my lifeline to sanity and there was nothing I wanted more than that!

Author Davis Aujourd'hui

Reaching for Recovery (Putting Down the Drink) Part 5

The story of how I finally accepted my alcohol problem was a spiritual one. I had finally realized I had a problem with alcohol once my partner left me. I stopped drinking cold turkey for a long weekend during which he had come back to visit. What I hadn't realized was that I would need help in order to stay sober.

After my partner left, I went to the refrigerator to get some leftovers to warm up. I had promised myself that I wouldn't drink, but I saw a single Budweiser bottle and I thought to myself that one beer wouldn't hurt. That beer took the edge off. That's when I spotted the leftover bottle of gin which I thought I might as well drink as long as I was quitting booze.

The thing is, I wanted more and I started to feel desperate. I didn't think I had any other alcohol in the house. Then I remembered a bottle of Tequila that someone had had the nerve to give us after a trip to Mexico. I hated Tequila, but I thought it might be tasty mixed with Lemonade; so I proceeded to drink the entire contents.

As I was drinking, I started to become melancholy; and, for some reason, I decided to call my partner's former lover who was then living in Atlanta. He was very patient and kind as I proceeded with a drunken apology for having stolen his lover some eight years ago. He told me that he forgave me and that I didn't need to beat myself up. I couldn't understand what he was talking about, but the tone of his voice and his forgiving attitude was very soothing to me.

Perhaps I was aware that he was in recovery from alcohol abuse, though it didn't enter my conscious mind at that point; however, some time later in the conversation, he asked me if I wanted help. Instead of angrily reacting with an “F---You!” I cried out, “Yes!” as I broke into sobs.

Then, somehow, all the way from Atlanta, this dear man got help to me from a local Alcoholics Anonymous clubhouse. Sometime before midnight, two fellows from AA showed up on my doorstep. They took me, wearing my leftover food on my sweater, to the clubhouse where several other members had stayed long after the last meeting of the day to help this drunk.

I don't remember what they said to me, but I do remember the kindness they demonstrated as they talked with me over coffee. I also realized that they knew the kind of personal hell I'd been going through and they held out the hope I desperately needed. I was given a schedule of AA meetings and I was driven home. The next morning I awoke with a hangover and called into work requesting a sick day. Then I went back to that same clubhouse at 7AM for my first AA meeting.

God was with me through that day - April 6, 1988. I ran into an old friend who came home with me and showed me the affection I desperately needed at that point. I stopped by my parents' home for a visit. They had been very concerned since I'd called them the previous night, in my drunken state, to tell them I was being taken to Alcoholics Anonymous. I went from their home to a session with my psychotherapist. Then I followed that up with my first gay AA meeting. There was so much love there among those courageous people who held out more hope for me. I realized I was finally home.

Author Davis Aujourd'hui

Celebrate Diversity - Author Davis Auhourd'hui

CELEBRATE DIVERSITY- Author Davis Aujourd'hui

Posted on May 20, 2011 by joseph c. knudson

This is a guest post from a good friend of mine who is extremely talented.  Please enjoy the article and check out his sites listed here:


http://bestsatireseriesofthedecade.blogspot.com/ - Author Davis Aujourd'hui and his "Sister Mary Olga" Book Series

http://authordavisaujourdhui.blogspot.com/ - Author Davis Aujourd'hui Blog

Sincerely,


J.C. Knudson, Author of "Living the Difference"
http://www.outskirtspress.com/livingthedifference

Celebrating Diversity

Have you ever felt as if you were the only person like yourself in the whole world? Guess what? You are. Each of you is a unique expression of the human experience. Your task is to embrace all that you are and to celebrate yourself.


Perhaps you’re in a minority group. You might be African-American, Asian, Latino, or gay. Perhaps you just feel as if you were a nerd. Some of the most famous people in history felt that way. They didn’t let that stop them from becoming all that they could be.

Look at Albert Einstein. He didn’t begin to talk until he was four years old. Yet he went on to become the father of atomic science. He met life’s challenges on life’s terms and became one of the most famous scientists in history.

Look at Maya Angelou. She was another person who didn’t talk for many years during a childhood as an abused African-American girl. Yet she went on to become one of our nation’s most prominent poets. She also served as an inspiration to another African-American girl who had been abused as a child. That was Oprah Winfrey. She became our most celebrated television talk show host and she served to inspire countless others whether of not they may have lived lives of oppression.


Each of you possess your own unique gifts which can serve to inspire others. The challenge is to embrace yourself so that you may discover what you have to offer. Surround yourself with people who affirm you and inspire you. That is the key to self-acceptance.

I have had my own challenges with self-acceptance. I didn’t want to be gay, but I eventually learned that it was a good thing. Along the way, I struggled with things like alcoholism, clinical depression, and sexual addiction.

I worked hard at becoming a champion and I am now a published author of a series of hilarious satires. I have learned to embrace things in my past that didn’t seem funny. I have made lemonade out of lemons as I have learned how to laugh at myself. In so doing, I have created a series of books that have made my readers laugh out loud.


It takes all kinds to make the world go around. Wouldn’t it be boring if that was not the case! I ask you to celebrate yourselves and to celebrate diversity. You can each make an individual difference for the betterment of life. Go for your joy!

Author Davis Aujourd'hui's Book Series:

"The Misadventures of Sister Mary Olga Fortitude" (Book 1)
"Babes in Bucksnort" (Book 2)

Both are available in Paperback and Kindle Format. Kindle Format is just $3.99

Enjoy!

REACHING FOR RECOVERY (PUTTING DOWN THE DRINK) Part 4

I'm not going to entertain or bore you with a long drunkalogue. As in the case of my character, Sister Mary Olga, my drinking escapades may seem to have been outrageously funny. The truth is that there was nothing funny about drinking or the effect it was having upon my life. It was also a way that I continued to escape dealing with my feelings and life's problems.

Here are some of the things that happened before I saw the light of a better way of life: I put myself and others at continuing risk as I drove in escalating drunken states. I would occasionally act out in anger at my partner when I was drunk. One time I hit him before passing out. The next morning I awoke and couldn't raise my arm out of bed. I had broken my wrist when I had hit him on his knee.

I contracted a serious and life-threatening venereal disease when I went out to a bar, got drunk, and picked up a stranger on the night of my maternal grandfather's funeral. The result was that I ended up in the hospital for a week. Fortunately I had not contracted HIV/AIDS as the doctors had suspected.

I picked up another stranger at a bar who turned out to be seriously mentally ill. He subsequently threatened to burn our house down and to kill me and my partner. The bottom line was that my quality of life became seriously compromised as it became more and more unmanageable.

After years of being able to stop drinking for periods of time, I finally went on a four month binge that was unlike anything or any binge I had experienced before. I began to drink to excess on a daily basis. It was not unusual for me to come home from work for lunch and have a few beers before returning. I would go to happy hour every day and drink until late in the evening.

Beer had become my drug of choice. I somehow felt that I could control my drunkenness better with beer than with alcohol – another practice of denial – The problem was that I was now drinking up to a case of beer per day. I had indeed become powerless over alcohol. I would not see the light until my partner of eight years left me. He was too frightened to witness what was happening to me to continue to live with me.

What I would later come to understand was that I had always been drinking to medicate a bipolar disorder. I'd never experienced a mania while I was drinking. When I was in an “up state,” I would drink like a fish. When I was depressed, I would stop drinking. I'm certain I would have had a brilliant mania during my final binge had I not been drinking. My experiences with mania were yet to come. I will discuss them in an upcoming article on recovery from mental illness.

Author Davis Aujourd'hui

REACHING FOR RECOVERY - (PUTTING DOWN THE DRINK) Part 3

Coming out as a gay man was a mixed blessing as far as my drinking went. Once I became a bit more comfortable with my sexuality, I began to go out to gay bars. That fueled both my alcohol abuse and my sexual addiction. In the beginning, I would limit myself to three beers. That would certainly change over time!

I drove drunk for the first time when I was nineteen. That behavior persisted for the next fourteen years. I always thought that I could handle it. Fortunately I never experienced any serious repercussions for myself or any others; however, I came close to having a bad accident on two occasions and I was once stopped by the police.

I failed the sobriety tests, but I was released from jail after a low breathalizer test score. I'd only had a few beers. The truth of the matter was that I was high as a kite! There were no tests for marijuana use in those days.

Even though I had become familiar with the experience of passing out, I didn't realize that I had black outs until after the eve of my wedding. My best man was mixing potent gin and tonics which was my drink of choice at that time. I wasn't about to complain. They were absolutely delicious!

The last thing I remembered was that I had been swinging from the shower rod in the hotel bathroom on the ninght of my bachelor party. I fell into a tub filled with ice water and beer. When I got back from my honeymoon, I found out what had happened after my last memory. I had come out to my sister, one of my ushers (a college roommate), and a childhood girlfriend. Talk about comedy and insanity! The underlying truth is that it was a very sad situation. Even so, it helps to be able to laugh about these things. All of this will be part of my coming out story, to be told in a future article.

I didn't always drink every day, though I would almost always have a beer. By the time, I was twenty-five, it would invariably be three or more beers per day. After injuring my back, I began to take prescription painkillers. When I told the doctor that they worked best when I drank them with a six pack of beer, he suggested I try to stop drinking for six weeks. Apparently that was his idea of a test as to whether or not I had an alcohol problem.

It didn't turn out to be a problem. I stopped for those six weeks. Of course, it helped that he doubled the dosage of the painkillers so that I wouldn't fee the need to drink as well. This would become the start of yet another addiction.

Alcoholism and sexual addiction went hand in hand during the years I spent more and more time in the bars. Happy hour had become a regular routine. It had also become regular for me to pick up someone with whom to have a sexual tryst at the same time. Happy hours became longer and longer as the years progressed. In the meantime, weekends were also often given over to nights out at the bars.

Fortunately I did have some sober friends so I had other social outlets as well. On those occasions I would moderate my drinking. Of course, that may have served to fuel my denial that I didn't have a problem. It would take many years of alcohol abuse before I was able to overcome that denial. I would become one of the lucky ones. I would achieve sobriety at a young age – thirty-three. That would be the beginning of my journey into recovery from addiction. There would be much craziness to come before I reached that part of my life's journey.

Author Davis Aujourd'hui

REACHING FOR RECOVERY (Putting Down The Drink) Part 2

I had my first cigarette when I was nine. I hated it! I had my second one when I was fifteen. It didn't taste much better, but it helped me feel better about a troubling circumstance at the time. I would remember that at a later point. I began smoking in earnest when an elderly aunt died in my arms at the time I was seventeen.


I also had my first drink when I was fifteen. It was a strong one and I got drunk. My whole personality suddenly changed. It felt wonderful to be free of inhibitions! I would later remember that too.

On isolated occasions, I would drink in secret until I could legally do so at the age of eighteen. That was also when I discovered how wonderfully freeing marijuana could be. By then I was addicted to cigarettes, though I couldn't admit to that. I figured I could quit at any time – famous last words! Alcohol was a wonderful compliment to these other now established addictions.

I felt deliciously naughty and I also began to feel as if I was more a part of the crowd. Even though I still felt insecure on the inside, I came out of my shell when I was engaged in my addictions. Unfortunately I had no real idea about who I was. Truth be told, I had simply forgotten. I mistook the the unreal feelings of freedom that my powerful new addictions could induce for the freedom of unspoiled childhood innocence .

I almost invariably became drunk whenever I had alcohol. I also became drunk quickly. That would change over time as I began to develop more and more of a tolerance for alcohol. That would also take me a long time. Such is not the case for many fledgling alcoholics. As for me, as is the case for most of us, I was medicating a mood disorder that stemmed from an inability to get in touch with feelings. It also came from an inability to accept life on life's terms.

By the time I was in college, my addictions were well-established. Even though I was a serious student during my first two years, I would party every weekend. Of course, an occasional joint or drink on a weekday night was not out of the question!

By my senior year, I relied on my academic laurels to carry me through. Fortunately I still earned excellent grades, though I was now engaging in my addictions on a regular basis. Even so, it would be years before I might suspect that I had a problem with alcohol. Then I would simply deny it until I finally reached a point where I realized I was totally powerless; that would come much later.

Author Davis Aujourd'hui