THE JOURNEY TO SANITY - Part 5

I bought a new house, fell in love with someone young enough to be my son, and I moved at a time when I was becoming physically and mentally ill. I took a long weekend off from work in order to move. I never returned to work again. That was another chapter in my life that closed as chaos reigned supreme within my shattered life.

I came to believe that I was the reincarnation of Jesus Christ. My life revolved around prayer and spirituality. That's when the most amazing things began to happen.

On rainy or cloudy days, I would always be surrounded by a beam of sunshine. Music on the radio spoke directly to whatever I was experiencing. All I would need to do would be to think of someone. Not a minute later, the telephone would ring and that person would be on the other end of the line.

While all of this was spiritually comforting, my mental state was precarious and my new home was a mess. People I had known for years abandoned me. I was scared and I was becoming more physically ill. I would suffer multiple falls and I fractured bones all over my body. I became unable to walk.

When I wasn't experiencing calm, I became very reactive and angry. I would take that anger out on the people closest to me – the ones who were taking care of me. They understandably couldn't understand what was happening to me. My prayer rituals and my new reincarnational beliefs baffled them. They understandably thought I was crazy.

It's true that I was at many points. Yet, much of the time, I was incredibly at peace. God seemed to meet every need even when I ran out of money. Just when there weren't resources to buy food or pay my bills, money came from unexpected sources. One form of disability income after another presented itself just as my needs became more intense. My Higher Power never gave me any more than I could handle. He took care of me each step of the way.

It is daunting to try to paint a picture of the insanity that was present in my life. I was riding on a high that could disintegrate into a fathomless bottom of despair and paranoia. My life was incredibly unmanageable. Yet, I remained sexually sober.

Thanks to new medicines, I slowly pulled away from insanity. That's when I decided to write my autobiography. I would apply myself to the task with a passion. I wrote the five hundred page tome in less than six months. By then, I was totally well. I had exorcised the demons that had haunted me for so many years.

Since I was now on a disability retirement and finished writing my memoirs, I thirsted for something to fulfill me. That's when I remembered characters I had developed in order to entertain a former colleague of mine. I decided to write a book about Sister Mary Olga Fortitude and the zany characters of Bucksnort, Wisconsin.

I wrote The Misadventures of Sister Mary Olga Fortitude in about six weeks. That was soon followed up by Babes in Bucksnort. One book led to another. Within the course of the next three years, I had completed eleven books in the series. I haven't run out of ideas yet. The beautiful thing is that my life has stabilized even though I have recently come out of a devastating relapse with my sexual addiction.

Fortunately, I am once again on the path of recovery. Unfortunately, I have decided to put off publishing my memoirs. They are extremely intimate and I also want to put together a substantial period of sexual sobriety before I consider publishing them. I want to be able to inspire hope for other addicts who might want to see that recovery is possible. Someday, I may be ready to take that step. In the meantime, I am enjoying my life and my creative endeavors.

I hope that you will consider reading my series of hilarious books which has healed me through the gift of laughter. I can guarantee that it will tickle your funny bones. The reviews have been great.

I also hope, for those who are suffering from mental illness or sexual addiction, that they will become aware that help and recovery is possible. If I can do it, anyone can!


Author Davis Aujourd'hui

THE JOURNEY TO SANITY - Part 4

The strangest things began to happen. As I was driving, I felt like Snow White. The birds would fly in the direction that they seemed to want me to go. One day, the birds took me to a little hamlet called Cherry Valley. There, I came upon an old parsonage that was up for sale. I decided that I would leave my life behind and buy it, turning it into a bed and breakfast inn. That's when things became truly strange.


When I arrived, a priest seemed to float down the street as he approached me. Then he said, “I'm glad you've finally arrived!” With that said, he gave me a kiss and slid his tongue down my throat. By that time, nothing struck me as unusual. Life was unfolding in the most peculiar ways.

I kept encountering that priest as I traveled around the nearby countryside. Eventually, he walked by the parsonage again and I asked him if he thought the house was holy. He gave me an odd look and I responded by saying, “Beware of wolves in sheep's clothing.” He scampered back up the street like a scared bunny rabbit.

I had reason to be concerned about the house. One of the rooms gave off the strangest vibrations. On subsequent visits, items within the abandoned house continued to be moved around throughout the rooms. I later learned from the town waitress that the man who had previously lived there practiced black magic and performed sacrifices there. Now, I was scared.

Fortunately, the purchase offer was not accepted. As I came out of mania, a tremendous depression kicked in. This happened around the same time that my only sister was pronounced terminally ill. The next year would become an extreme challenge. I became grateful when I was finally diagnosed with a bipolar disorder. Medicine was prescribed that finally brought me into a place of more stability.

Sadly, my sister passed away and I tried to carry on the best I could. I numbed myself with my sexual addiction and continued to practice that behavior for another twelve years. That's when I was finally confronted by my partner who had been previously unaware that the addiction was still thriving. He gave me an ultimatum – either go to couple's therapy with him or he would leave me after twenty-two years.

When we got to therapy, I realized that I needed to work on the sexual addiction. I subsequently returned to Sex Addicts Anonymous where I was able to achieve a measure of sexual sobriety. Unfortunately, the addiction had taken a toll on the relationship. What's more, I began to destabilize as I was headed into another mania. I was the one who ended the relationship and began to make multiple major life changes. This would only invite a mania that made the last one pale in comparison.

Author Davis Aujourd'hui

A MOTHER'S DAY GIFT

Here it comes again – Mother's Day. So you're ready to head for the store to buy a card or a gift. Why not give the gift that's free. Give your mother your time and let her know you love her.

This may not be an easy task for everyone. Not all of us came from loving backgrounds. If this was the case for you, it was probably also the case for your mother as a child.

The thing to remember is that we all have done the best we could have done with whatever has come our way. Your mother has done the same thing too. Remember, there are no blueprints for parenting. It's all a matter of learning on the job. Some mothers are just slow learners. They are not to be blamed.

You're an adult now. It's time to grow up. That may mean facing some of your own demons. The important thing to remember is to face the past with honesty, to forgive, and to let go.

You may need to talk to someone, including a professional, in order to discharge past pain. It's also important to remember all of those loving qualities that your mother possesses. Remember the good times that you have had.

Try to put your life into a balanced perspective. Life is more good than not. Allow the healing to flow into your life. The beautiful thing is that you can make it all good if you live in the present and commit to it being so.

The present moment is all you have and here it comes. The question is what you can do to make it a memorable one? Cards and flowers are nice, but they don't compare with a more personal connection. Make a phone call. Better yet, spend the day with her. Relive the happy times. Let her know you love her. The gift you give to her will multiply. It will also be a gift you give yourself.

Author Davis Aujourd'hui

This article also appears: 

http://wisewoman2.com/  Authentic Women

http://www.assistnews.net/Stories/2011/s11040123.htm Assist News

LAUGH YOUR TROUBLES AWAY

Life may not be a bowl of cherries, but I am offering you some delectable desserts within my two Sister Mary Olga books. If you have an open mind and a zest for living, you will be able to laugh your troubles away. If you're in a place of joy, I will only increase it.

The irreverent Sister Mary Olga Fortitude is a nun who likes to nip her booze while she sends up smoke signals to God from her Marlboro cigarettes. She does this much to the consternation of her Reverend Mother who happens to be a reformed prostitute.

I throw into the mix a diverse cast of delightfully dysfunctional characters with whom to titillate your funny bone. Try out the dried out prudish prune, Priscilla Bunhead. She is in sharp contrast to the fun-loving gay cowboy chef, Randy Cowboy. Just wait until he finds out a secret beneath a nun's habit when he discovers that Sister Samantha isn't what she appears to be.

You'll meet the clown-like Lilliliver Lipstick who dabbles in the dirt with Priscilla. The two of them recruit an arch conservative minister named Reverend Billy-Bob Blunthead. He and his wife, Pinky Poo, bring the Born Again or Burn Forever Disciples for Jesus to Bucksnort to wipe out what they consider to be perversion.

You've got it! Priscilla and Billy-Bob don't like gay people and there are plenty of gay characters with whom they tangle. Priscilla gets her panties in an uproar only to find that her crusade backfires on her when the townspeople of Bucksnort come out in support of their gay brothers and sisters.

You'll relate to the foibles of my cast as you learn to laugh at your own.

Take a joy ride to Bucksnort.

Visit Amazon.com where you can purchase "The Misadventures of Sister Mary Olga Fortitude" and "Babes in Bucksnort".

Just be prepared to get your own panties into an uproar.

Enjoy the journey!

Author Davis Aujourd'hui

Available in Paperback and Kindle Formats! Kindle Formats are $3.99. You can purchase Kindle Format and send as a gift to anyone that has an email address. 

THE JOURNEY TO SANITY - Part 3

It wasn't easy, but I chose not to pick up a drink one day at a time. I attended as many as four AA meetings a day for the first few months. The problem was that I had another addiction that picked up speed. That was my long-time sexual addiction.


After my late night AA meeting, I would cruise the streets and continue to have multiple anonymous sexual encounters that frequently involved unsafe sex. Mind you, this was long before there were drugs available that could help keep HIV disease in check. I was playing Russian Roulette. The chances were that I would expose myself to the virus. What terrified me was that I would bring it home to my partner. Guilt, shame, and remorse became themes that only continued to propel me back into that addiction.

Even so, I was on a high as I began to see God working in other areas of my life. Within a few weeks, I was relieved of the compulsion to drink. That seemed to be a miracle and it was! God was doing for me what I could not do for myself. Yet, I had no idea where to turn to for help with my sexual addiction.

I decided to go to a rehab even though my drinking was no longer a problem. I chose one for gay people that also said they would deal with sexual addiction. That didn't happen to be the case.

I did have a wonderful psychiatrist while there. She asked me a pointed question about my first depression. What she wanted to know was did I feel like I was crazy at that time. I responded by saying that I thought I had been going crazy as my mother had done many years before. She did not prescribe any medication even though the staff kept sending me back to her. My primary problem seemed to be that I was withdrawing from acting out sexually.

I returned home even more depressed than before. I still had not been able to receive any help with my sexual addiction and the craving was still there as before. Sanity would only begin to come when I finally found my way to Sex Addicts Anonymous.

Finally, I began to find periods of freedom from my long-ingrained behaviors. It wasn't easy and I often slipped. The difference was that I now had tools and people to support me.

Unfortunately, I only stayed with the program for about a year and a half. Something came along that swept me off my feet and into the outer stratosphere. That was my first full blown mania. I left the program after a prolonged period of delusional and paranoid thinking. I was afraid that the other members would try to get me committed to a mental hospital.

At first, it felt wonderful. I felt as if everything in the universe was speaking to me. My energy levels were tremendous and I could handle almost anything. I became very creative and began to write poetry. Then the delusions began.

As paranoia and anger took hold of me, my partner became afraid. He moved out without saying a word. He didn't want me to know where he went.

I somehow managed to work, but in my off hours I was as high as a kite. My life began to become a shambles. My house became a total mess. I was deteriorating into a state of sheer madness.

Author Davis Aujourd'hui

THE JOURNEY TO SANITY - Part 2

Shortly after I asked my wife for a divorce, I met a beautiful man and began what seemed as if it would be a relationship that would last forever. It did last for a very long time. It's just that nothing in this life is written in stone.

After years of spending my life as a sex addict, I thought the lure of that addiction would finally be broken once I met a man to whom I was attracted. I certainly loved him. Unfortunately, love is never enough when it comes to the void within the addict that nothing outside of him or herself can ever fill.

I pledged to remain monogamous to him, but it was only a matter of time before the spell was broken. After my first few slips, I fell into another suicidal depression. Once again, I weathered it out without reaching out for help. Then, after a few months, it disappeared. I was back on top of the world again. Life seemed absolutely fabulous. The only problem was that I was acting out sexually more than ever. That would remain my dirty little secret.

The following years would unfold in a similar pattern. I would plunge into depressions that would be followed by emotional highs. Fortunately, the depressions were not as devastating as my earlier ones. That was a blessing that would not last. The zinger lay ahead.

On October 19, 1987, I attempted to hang myself. Realizing that I didn't want to have my partner find my body hanging from a noose, I somehow managed to undo the knot as I struggled to keep from dangling from it. Once free, I took an overdose that should have knocked out a horse. As my good fortune would have it, I had developed an amazing tolerance to substances. I had become an active alcoholic in deep denial and I only ended up turning into a zombie.

I spent the next three weeks on a psychiatric ward where I had my first encounter with a psychiatrist. He turned out to be a loser. Every morning, the waiting room would be filled with his patients. One by one, we would be called in to see him where he would spend all of one to two minutes before sending us back to the ward. The medication I had been put on took away my suicidal inclinations, but I still felt miserable.

Finally, I was released to the care of my partner and I soon returned to work. I was ashamed of my hospitalization and kept it a secret. I went into work where I felt totally incompetent to carry out my duties. Somehow, I carried on.

Eventually I came out of my stupor and began to feel as if I was invincible. Once I had reached that point, I began to drink like a fish. The end of my alcoholic career was dramatic. I drank more and more each day until it was an around-the-clock love affair with the bottle. The thing that brought me to my senses was when my partner left me since he couldn't handle watching what I was doing to myself or the damage it was having upon our relationship.

It also opened a door that I was about to walk through that would bring me into the next phase of my journey to sanity. On April 5, 1988 I had my last drunk. The following day I went to my first meeting of Alcoholics Anonymous. That would take care of the drinking problem, but a new problem was about to emerge.

Author Davis Aujourd'hui

THE JOURNEY TO SANITY --- Part 1

I always thought that I'd had a happy childhood. Most of it was, but there was trauma too. Some of that was deeply buried and I didn't begin to get in touch with it until I became an adult. Such can often be the case.


I was frequently happy and oftentimes silly. Yet I came to later realize that much of this silliness was a cover-up for a deeper pain. I would often become moody. My moods would swing from high to low and back again. It would be many years before I discovered how dramatic that could become. Much pain would lie ahead for me.

I had a devastating depression when I was twenty-one. I became desperately suicidal. I had never experienced such pain in my life. Fortunately, I didn't do anything stupid, but I didn't seek help. I knew I couldn't handle the pain, but I thought it would be a sign of weakness to reach out for help. I ended up dropping out of graduate school and I thought that I was a failure.

Within a couple of months, I recovered. I went from a tremendous low to a tremendous high where I felt as if I was on top of the world. I returned to my girlfriend in New Hampshire and I began a wonderful new career as a field editor for an academic publisher. I thought everything in my life was fine. I had hope for myself again.

A year later, paranoia set in. I began to fear that I was a fraud and a failure even though I had become one of the top-performing representatives within my company. I was in a state of delusion, but it felt all too real to me.

Within months, I was back on top of the world again. I began to make fabulous plans for my future. I became married and I was quickly promoted. I was on the fast track to becoming an executive at the age of twenty-three. That was when another emotional disaster struck.

I had devastating depression and I became suicidal again. I couldn't function on my job. I'd awaken in the morning in a state of terror and I'd pull the sheets up over my head. I didn't want to get out of bed. I couldn't face another day of sheer panic.

My wife did what I couldn't do for myself. She found me a psychotherapist. That was the beginning of a journey toward sanity that wouldn't begin to fully manifest for another thirteen years.

I separated from my wife as I began to fully accept that I was a gay man. She eventually moved away. More depression followed.


Author Davis Aujourd'hui