Monday, August 29, 2011

Part 5 -Locked in the Closet

I moved back to my college town and found a wonderful job working for a college textbook publisher. I moved into a happy apartment in the country and I began a brilliant career and what I thought would be a contented life. I medicated my anxieties by my increasing dependence upon alcohol and marijuana.

I proposed to my girlfriend in the spring. The timing was incredible. Just a few weeks later I had my first sexual encounter with another man. It would happen under tawdry circumstances which only continued to fuel my shame. It happened in a public bathroom.

A toxic bond was formed. I discovered that this bathroom was an easy place in which to find men interested in having sex with other men. I would return there often where I acted out my secret shame before returning to my so-called normal life. I was beginning to lead what would become an increasingly double life.

That summer, while my fiance returned to her parents' home, I met a young man with whom I began an affair. Never having realized that I could have romantic feelings toward another man had become an eye-opener. It would become the key that would eventually free me from my locked closet. In a little less than a year, I would walk through it, never realizing that I would eventually be giving up the so-called normal life.

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