I met another fellow in that restroom with whom I formed a friendship. He was nineteen and he was openly gay, having put his own demons to rest following a suicide attempt. His name was Marc. Marc would become the friend who would help me see the light that being gay wasn't such a bad thing.
He introduced me to gay bars where I was able to meet fellows before having sex with them. It wasn't much different in a way. Although I would learn their names and have sex in a bedroom, there was usually no further contact. Such seemed to be the way in gay life in the late 1970's and early 1980's.
Life in the bars not only fueled my increasing sexual addiction. It also fueled my increasing dependence upon alcohol. I remained in complete denial about both addictions for a number of years. After all, everyone seemed to be doing it!
I continued to see the fellow with whom I'd been having an affair. Even though I wanted to make something of it, he held back. Apparently he had his own demons with which to contend. He became a love obsession for me, but I still believed in my love for my fiance.
My new career had become very successful. I became a top performer in the college textbook sales industry. Likewise, plans for the upcoming wedding were progressing according to my design. My future wife remained in the dark about my double life. That would soon change.
While she was away during the summer we were to marry, I realized that it would not be fair to her to keep her in the dark any longer. I thought she deserved a chance to call off the wedding if she couldn't accept married life with a gay man. I knew that I wouldn't be able to be faithful to her.
A month before the wedding, we were reunited. I told her that I had something to tell her. She begged me to tell her, asking me, “Are you an alcoholic?”
“Not me,” I protested. Instead I told her the only thing I knew to be true at the time. Amidst a waterfall of tears from the both of us, I told her that I was gay.
We were naïve adult children and we didn't know what to do. What we did know was that we loved one another. We decided to bravely go ahead with our wedding plans. It would begin to close one door at the same time that it opened another one through which we passed. When we would walk through that door, we would enter a world filled with pain.
Author Davis Aujourd'hui
Books and Kindles by Author David Aujourd hui (these two below are at a special price on Kindle for $2.99)
"The Misadventures of Sister Mary Olga Fortitude" Book 1
"Babes in Bucksnort" Book 2
"Putting the Pieces Together" Kindle Version only for .99 cents!
Putting the Pieces Together is an anthology of a gay man's journey toward self-acceptance. It is a poignant and intimate book chronicling recovery from mental illness, sexual addiction, and alcohol.
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